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The One To Zen Organizing Blog

Breathe in Calm, Breathe out Clutter

  • Writer's pictureJill Katz

Navigating Shared Spaces


two women sitting on a couch working together on their laptops
We can collaborate

The Story


Does this sound familiar? You finally muster up enough energy to attack the piles of clutter in your living room. You are making progress when your significant other enters the room. “What are you doing with my stuff?,” he or she exclaims. You try to explain that you are creating a better space but your significant other demands that you put everything back. All progress is halted. Now what are you supposed to do?


Messy cluttered living room or family room
How to declutter this shared space?

Shared spaces are complicated to say the least. As an organizer, I often encounter conflicts between family members and housemates. This is because we are neurodiverse - our brains are all wired differently. Here are some common differences related to organizing that often lead to conflict in a shared space:




  • Sensitivity to clutter: From highly sensitive to being completely blind to clutter

  • Organizational needs: One person needs items in view while another needs items behind cabinet doors

  • Relationship with objects : Some people live minimally while others accumulate or hold onto objects

  • Executive functioning abilities: We all have different capabilities when it comes to categorizing, prioritizing, planning and using working memory


And these are just a few of the ways we view clutter and organization in a different light.


Tips & Tricks To Use in Shared Spaces


So how can we create a shared space that works for everyone? Here are some tips to help you work with those in your household to curate a space everyone can love:


Try role modeling

When organizing, always start with your own space. Organizing is “catchy” and when others see what you have done with your own area, it might inspire them to organize their own spaces or motivate them to work with you on a shared space. Try “The Reset” strategy for a jump start.


Garner agreement

Imagine someone’s reaction if they come home and all their possessions have been moved around, or worse, thrown away or donated. Be sure to let the relevant members of your household know your intentions and make sure they have given you permission before proceeding. If more than one person feels strongly about that space, you may need to have a more detailed discussion.


Start a fact-based discussion about wants and needs

two people sharing a banana
Sharing is caring

When re-imagining a space, most people make the mistake of jumping to the strategy piece. This approach skips a very important step - the wants and needs step. So before discussing how you plan on transforming a room, be sure to talk about what needs you are fulfilling by organizing and decluttering. What functionality does each person want from a specific room or area? What belongs in that room? Wants and needs are never wrong and rarely lead to argument. Once everyone has voiced their wants and needs for a space, you can then move on to an action plan. If you are interested in reading more about needs-based relating, I absolutely recommend this book.


Compromise

Cultivate a collaborative relationship and be open to different solutions for your shared space. At some point, you will probably have to compromise in order to move forward. The goal is to create a space that works for everyone.


Create rules

Once you have organized your shared space, it is vital to discuss how you intend to maintain it. What is everyone’s responsibility for upkeep? What is the consequence when someone fails to do their part? When someone puts something where it doesn’t belong, are you allowed to move it out of that space?


In Conclusion


I hope these tips are helpful for navigating your shared spaces. I would love to hear your successes and failures. Have any of these strategies worked for you? Do you have any additional ideas? Scroll down to the bottom of the page and leave a comment.


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댓글 10개


Janet Gorman Schiesl
Janet Gorman Schiesl
2022년 1월 18일

Great post. Many years ago I lived with my sister. She would tell me that I was making her nervous when I was cleaning. Ha Ha! I grown to realize that the level of organization that I want to feel comfortable is not the same as my family members, so it's on me if I want it more organized - although they do enjoy and appreciate a calmer environment.

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Jill Katz
Jill Katz
2022년 1월 18일
답글 상대:

Janet, I bet your sister now appreciates the cleaning you did then!

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Julie Bestry
Julie Bestry
2022년 1월 18일

You make excellent points, and I've seen first-hand how role modeling good organizational behavior works when all forms of discussion have failed. To be fair, the older I get, the more at ease I am about the fact that I live alone. As a professional organizer, I obviously like things organized to be functional. But as a long-time singleton, I'm pretty persnickety and don't like to live by anyone else's rules. (And I'm terrible at compromise!)

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Jill Katz
Jill Katz
2022년 1월 18일
답글 상대:

Julie, thanks for sharing. compromise is one side of it. But the flip side is asserting your boundaries. I have been terrible about that in the past but have been working on it for the past few years.

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Jill Katz
Jill Katz
2022년 1월 17일

Yes- ownership means that people will work to keep the space maintained.

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Linda Samuels
Linda Samuels
2022년 1월 17일

Bravo! While some people have complete agency over their homes because they live on their own, many do not. And once multiple people are involved, there will definitely be competing needs, values, and ways of processing. I love ALL of the suggestions you made for being respectful and collaborative with the differences and organizing preferences. Just beautiful.


When our kids were growing up, it was even more obvious how different our living preferences were. So we created communal and personal spaces. In the personal spaces, everyone could keep those areas exactly as they wanted. But in the communal areas, we created "respect rules" that were more collaborative.

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Jill Katz
Jill Katz
2022년 1월 17일
답글 상대:

I love "respect rules"! I think we sometimes forget that others don't always share the same viewpoint, particularly about clutter.

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sara
2022년 1월 17일

I agree that the role modeling can be really powerful. I’ve seen it happen so many times - Person A starts making positive changes, Person B sees it happening, and sees how good and helpful it can be. Before you know it, they’re going through their closet too! Great thoughts here.

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Jill Katz
Jill Katz
2022년 1월 17일
답글 상대:

For sure - actions speak louder than words.

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